Many things of little and big importance are on my mind right now. But most of all, the nearness of His coming is on my mind and heart. There is still so much to be done- in my heart, and in the hearts of many others. Gods mercy is inconceivable. He has put up with our wandering ways for so long. We are so complacent, when there's a battle going on around us, and inside us. We make room for those things of least importance, and make them our priority, instead of God. I should stop saying "we", because the truth is, I'm speaking of myself only.
"Who will put on the whole armor? Who will enlist under the blood-stained banner of Prince Emmanuel?... Divine enlightenment may come to every struggling, tempted child of God in order that he need not fall in the strife with the powers of darkness, but be a conqueror in every battle." ~EGW~ Sons and Daughters of God pg. 369
So often I brush eternal realities to the side, and forget that there's battles that must be won, not by living as I please, but by hard toil and perseverance. I forget that there's armor that I should always have on.
It is immensley encouraging to know that God is willing and able to give me not only the needed enlightenment, but also the strength to come out of each and every battle a conqueror, until that day that is very near, where I will no longer be tempted and tried by the enemy of each and every child of God. With this power and grace offered me, I rise up again from my lethargic, dulled stupor, and pick up this blood-stained banner of my Prince, who is coming again soon, to bring His children home.
Revelation 3:5
Monday, December 28, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Rat Race
I hope to one day be able to say this, and mean every word: "My affections, interest, treasure, all, is in the bright world to come. I long to see the King in His beauty". ~EGW~
It's funny how the cares of this life can tie you down and burden you, and can wear you out. If you let it. And unfortunately (probably because I'm really bad at time management) I often do let it wear me out. And the funny thing is, the very word life-to me- doesn't imply weariness.
In two days, I will be done with my 5th semester of college, and each time a new semester starts, I tell myself that "this semester" I will not live a rat race. But inevitably, I always do. And every semester, the rat race gets more intense. And at the end of every school year, I tell myself that "this summer" I will rest up and slow down. But bills make it necessary to work, and degrees in progress make summer classes necessary as well.
So each year, even though I am advancing academically, all other things seem to take second priority, if they take priority at all.
Many people tell me that there's no way that I can't possibly have time for other stuff, considering I've never taken more than 12 credit hours at once. True, but the problem is that after my academic responsibilities are met, the education system has taken all the energy and motivation that I had in me, so that all I want to do when I am done is go on time out, considering my introvert, easily stressed out soul.
And I'm trying to make changes. I really am. It's just so hard, because each semester gets "more important" for success in my current program and for my future career.
I guess what's really bothering me is, I can handle having to put certain things on hold for my academics, but when I catch my spiritual life being on hold, I can't take it. I don't like it. And it's not right. And when I hear things like "each moment is golden", I like my situation even less.
What/who exactly am I investing in on this rat race? Do my frantic, late night, early morning "accomplishments" matter in light of eternity? Or have I bought into the ways of the world? Have their definitions of success and responsibility and obligation altered my definitions? Do half of the things I'm obligated to learn/do/study in school help in my building of a heavenly home, or just an earthly one--or neither? And if the content is helpful, what about how it's presented, how it's paced, how it's balanced with every other aspect of building for eternity?
I have so many questions. And unfortunately, I can't stop what I'm doing while I'm waiting for answers. If I do, my school loans will come knocking at my door. What I can do is trust God, and do my part--which is to make Him my priority. Degree or no degree.
It's funny how the cares of this life can tie you down and burden you, and can wear you out. If you let it. And unfortunately (probably because I'm really bad at time management) I often do let it wear me out. And the funny thing is, the very word life-to me- doesn't imply weariness.
In two days, I will be done with my 5th semester of college, and each time a new semester starts, I tell myself that "this semester" I will not live a rat race. But inevitably, I always do. And every semester, the rat race gets more intense. And at the end of every school year, I tell myself that "this summer" I will rest up and slow down. But bills make it necessary to work, and degrees in progress make summer classes necessary as well.
So each year, even though I am advancing academically, all other things seem to take second priority, if they take priority at all.
Many people tell me that there's no way that I can't possibly have time for other stuff, considering I've never taken more than 12 credit hours at once. True, but the problem is that after my academic responsibilities are met, the education system has taken all the energy and motivation that I had in me, so that all I want to do when I am done is go on time out, considering my introvert, easily stressed out soul.
And I'm trying to make changes. I really am. It's just so hard, because each semester gets "more important" for success in my current program and for my future career.
I guess what's really bothering me is, I can handle having to put certain things on hold for my academics, but when I catch my spiritual life being on hold, I can't take it. I don't like it. And it's not right. And when I hear things like "each moment is golden", I like my situation even less.
What/who exactly am I investing in on this rat race? Do my frantic, late night, early morning "accomplishments" matter in light of eternity? Or have I bought into the ways of the world? Have their definitions of success and responsibility and obligation altered my definitions? Do half of the things I'm obligated to learn/do/study in school help in my building of a heavenly home, or just an earthly one--or neither? And if the content is helpful, what about how it's presented, how it's paced, how it's balanced with every other aspect of building for eternity?
I have so many questions. And unfortunately, I can't stop what I'm doing while I'm waiting for answers. If I do, my school loans will come knocking at my door. What I can do is trust God, and do my part--which is to make Him my priority. Degree or no degree.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Snow!
I'm so happy right now, because we got snow here! This is the first time in almost 3 years since moving here that I've seen snow actually stay for more than 2 or 3 hours. I kinda wish it would've snowed on Christmas, considering that this is probably our only snowfall of the year, but just the same, I'm so happy right now. I know, it's not a lot of snow to speak of, but it's definitely better than none at all!
The photos of the snowmen were taken by Lani. Aren't they the cutest?:)
Friday, November 27, 2009
Beholding
"Though kings shall be cast down, and nations removed, the souls that through faith link themselves with God's purpose shall abide forever."~EGW
"Fasten your eyes upon Jesus, and by beholding you will become assimilated to His image."EGW
"Now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but when then I shall know even as also I am known." 1Corinthians13:12
" By beholding Christ, by talking of Him, by beholding the loveliness of His character we become changed. Changed from glory to glory. And What is glory? Character--and he becomes changed from character to character. Thus we see that there is a work of purification that goes on by beholding Jesus."~ EGW, Sons & Daughters of God pg.337, 338
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Death Hurts
This week has been filled with sadness, and greater longing for home than ever for home.
I hesitated writing about this in light of my previous post this week regarding death. But I have to write. It somehow helps. On thursday morning we got news that a student missionary from our school serving overseas was murdered. And we cried. I know many of us students of us cried when we heard, because I saw them. My heart aches. For her, for her family and loved ones left behind. When I heard of her death I hoped with all my heart that she died instantly, not having felt any pain. But from the latest news, that wasn't so. And that makes it so much worse.
None of this was ever supposed to happen. Especially not to someone out educating little minds, and molding their hearts.
I can't comprehend the grief her loved ones must feel.
Each day more here on earth equals more sadness and suffering. I really don't understand how people can not want Jesus to come soon. The good news is, he's coming soon. Like Mark Finley said last weekend, Jesus can put off his coming for only so long, but there comes a point that regardless of our readiness, he must come, and take his children home.
I want to go home, and I want to inform as many people about Jesus and his coming.
God help us shake off all this earthliness and embrace eternity like we should.
I hesitated writing about this in light of my previous post this week regarding death. But I have to write. It somehow helps. On thursday morning we got news that a student missionary from our school serving overseas was murdered. And we cried. I know many of us students of us cried when we heard, because I saw them. My heart aches. For her, for her family and loved ones left behind. When I heard of her death I hoped with all my heart that she died instantly, not having felt any pain. But from the latest news, that wasn't so. And that makes it so much worse.
None of this was ever supposed to happen. Especially not to someone out educating little minds, and molding their hearts.
I can't comprehend the grief her loved ones must feel.
Each day more here on earth equals more sadness and suffering. I really don't understand how people can not want Jesus to come soon. The good news is, he's coming soon. Like Mark Finley said last weekend, Jesus can put off his coming for only so long, but there comes a point that regardless of our readiness, he must come, and take his children home.
I want to go home, and I want to inform as many people about Jesus and his coming.
God help us shake off all this earthliness and embrace eternity like we should.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Inspiration
I've spent the past hour(or two) doing something I enjoy immensely-- reading blogs. There's usually a theme to the blogs I follow/read. The theme is inspiration. I either follow blogs on photography, or of people whose walk with God encourages me and challenges me, motivates me to reach higher and dream bigger with and for God. Usually my favorite blogs to read tend to be by people who usually write long posts. But tonight, I happened to come across a blog that I had previously perused, but had never really sat down and read. This persons writing took me by surprise.
Almost all of their posts were only a couple sentences long. It was so refreshing. Something about the way they wrote, with so few words, really moved me. I'm not saying that I no longer like long posts, because that's not true. I'm simply saying that I find it so amazing that someone can have as big an impact on someone with just 5 lines of writing, as someone who's written 20 lines. And I think it's a gift. To be able to bring across a big idea with few words is a real talent. One that I don't have.
And even as a write, I'm beginning to suspect that maybe it isn't a matter of how many or how few words some people write~ it's almost as if every sentence they speak/write is a breath of fresh air. It's like you want to sit in their presence and just soak it all up. It really is impossible to explain, you just have to experience it for yourself.
And I know where their gift of communicating comes from. It comes from deep down in their hearts, and the One who places every one of their inspiring poems and anecdotes there is the very same One of whom it was said "never man spake like this man". I'm so blessed to be able to hear Jesus speaking through people who are able to express so much truth in such few words.
Almost all of their posts were only a couple sentences long. It was so refreshing. Something about the way they wrote, with so few words, really moved me. I'm not saying that I no longer like long posts, because that's not true. I'm simply saying that I find it so amazing that someone can have as big an impact on someone with just 5 lines of writing, as someone who's written 20 lines. And I think it's a gift. To be able to bring across a big idea with few words is a real talent. One that I don't have.
And even as a write, I'm beginning to suspect that maybe it isn't a matter of how many or how few words some people write~ it's almost as if every sentence they speak/write is a breath of fresh air. It's like you want to sit in their presence and just soak it all up. It really is impossible to explain, you just have to experience it for yourself.
And I know where their gift of communicating comes from. It comes from deep down in their hearts, and the One who places every one of their inspiring poems and anecdotes there is the very same One of whom it was said "never man spake like this man". I'm so blessed to be able to hear Jesus speaking through people who are able to express so much truth in such few words.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Sadness
Death wasn't supposed to happen. Ever. Especially not to kids. It just really sucks. Deep down we all know that we were meant to live forever. And anything short of that is tragic and all wrong.
I started following a young girls blog just this past week who had cancer, and was so blessed and inspired by her. And just now I found out she died.
I can't help crying right now, and I don't even know the girl! If I feel this bad, I can't even begin to imagine how bad her mom must feel~ and knowing that I can't even imagine how her mom feels, makes me cry even more.
And if our hearts break as humans when someone dies, even though that's all we've ever known, what must it be like for God, who created us for life eternal? That was His plan A.
And to think that the only reason there's death is because of sin. That same sin that we choose to hold on to day after day is the same sin that made death the inevitable outcome. And knowing that we might still hold on to our sin, Jesus still came, and gave his life, so that we could have another chance at life eternal. He wants us that bad. He came up with plan B.
I am so glad that Satan doesn't have the last say. I can't even imagine what this world would've become if it hadn't been for Jesus. And even though innocent people like my friend who died keep reaping the consequences of the first sin ever committed, there's hope, thanks to plan B. And thanks to plan B, we can cry tears of joy, mixed with our tears of sadness.
John 17:3, 1 John 2:25
I started following a young girls blog just this past week who had cancer, and was so blessed and inspired by her. And just now I found out she died.
I can't help crying right now, and I don't even know the girl! If I feel this bad, I can't even begin to imagine how bad her mom must feel~ and knowing that I can't even imagine how her mom feels, makes me cry even more.
And if our hearts break as humans when someone dies, even though that's all we've ever known, what must it be like for God, who created us for life eternal? That was His plan A.
And to think that the only reason there's death is because of sin. That same sin that we choose to hold on to day after day is the same sin that made death the inevitable outcome. And knowing that we might still hold on to our sin, Jesus still came, and gave his life, so that we could have another chance at life eternal. He wants us that bad. He came up with plan B.
I am so glad that Satan doesn't have the last say. I can't even imagine what this world would've become if it hadn't been for Jesus. And even though innocent people like my friend who died keep reaping the consequences of the first sin ever committed, there's hope, thanks to plan B. And thanks to plan B, we can cry tears of joy, mixed with our tears of sadness.
John 17:3, 1 John 2:25
Saturday, November 14, 2009
New Journey
What do you do when you have an epiphany? Like where do you go from there?
How is it that from one minute to the next your whole perspective and focus on something can change?
I never want to forget this moment in time. I know that from now on my life is not going to be the same. In what specific ways I'm not exactly sure yet, but I'm okay with that for now, because that is not the point.
Right now I'm just really grateful, really relieved actually. There are few things as beautiful as the feeling of when something that is very dear to you finally makes sense. Really makes sense. In case you're wondering; this revelation doesn't make my life any easier or less complicated. Quite the opposite actually. I believe that with my new insight and focus I have signed up for a path that is much more difficult and treacherous than the one I was on before. And the most difficult aspect of it is the uncertainty that comes with it. Uncertainty is one of my worst enemies. Security has always been really important to me, so letting go of it is extremely difficult for me, but I've already taken the first step, and I'm determined not to look back, except to remember how God has led me.
Something that has made taking this step on my new journey easier is that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is in this. I could not accept any more uncertainty in my life unless it were so.
No fear of uncertainty or hardship can equal the peace that comes from following what you know to be right and true.
I know I have been somewhat vague about what exactly my epiphany was. And although I wont share what that was, like I mentioned earlier, God has led, and I'm simply following where I know I must go in order to be a little closer to eternity, to unity and completeness, wholeness.
How is it that from one minute to the next your whole perspective and focus on something can change?
I never want to forget this moment in time. I know that from now on my life is not going to be the same. In what specific ways I'm not exactly sure yet, but I'm okay with that for now, because that is not the point.
Right now I'm just really grateful, really relieved actually. There are few things as beautiful as the feeling of when something that is very dear to you finally makes sense. Really makes sense. In case you're wondering; this revelation doesn't make my life any easier or less complicated. Quite the opposite actually. I believe that with my new insight and focus I have signed up for a path that is much more difficult and treacherous than the one I was on before. And the most difficult aspect of it is the uncertainty that comes with it. Uncertainty is one of my worst enemies. Security has always been really important to me, so letting go of it is extremely difficult for me, but I've already taken the first step, and I'm determined not to look back, except to remember how God has led me.
Something that has made taking this step on my new journey easier is that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is in this. I could not accept any more uncertainty in my life unless it were so.
No fear of uncertainty or hardship can equal the peace that comes from following what you know to be right and true.
I know I have been somewhat vague about what exactly my epiphany was. And although I wont share what that was, like I mentioned earlier, God has led, and I'm simply following where I know I must go in order to be a little closer to eternity, to unity and completeness, wholeness.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
My heart
"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world." 1 John 2:15-16
A statement I came across in my devotional reading today really hit home.
"Sighing over your ignorance of divine things will never make you wise unto salvation. There are tens of thousand sluggish tears and sighs toward heaven that will never win one smile of approval from Jesus. Do not think that a Chrisitan experience will come to you of itself. When you make up your mind to do something on which your heart is set, you do not give up for difficulties, but try again and again." ~ Ellen G.W.
After reading the above verse late last night, and then reading these words in the devotional, I knew God was speaking directly to me.
I've found myself reaching for wordly things... Not bad things necessarily, just things that aren't from God, not in His plan for my life. It's so subtle, and so easy to ignore. But the more I reach for things of this world, the harder it is to set my heart on God.
I feel like I'm only taking away from the impact of the two quotations, because they really do sum up the two opposing ambitions. Either our heart is set on things of this world, or set on God.
All I can do is ask God for mercy. Because when it comes down to it, any lack of christian growth in my life is simply due to my heart not being set on God. I'm so grateful that God is showing me this, nudging me, even after so many pointless journeys my heart has taken away from him.
A statement I came across in my devotional reading today really hit home.
"Sighing over your ignorance of divine things will never make you wise unto salvation. There are tens of thousand sluggish tears and sighs toward heaven that will never win one smile of approval from Jesus. Do not think that a Chrisitan experience will come to you of itself. When you make up your mind to do something on which your heart is set, you do not give up for difficulties, but try again and again." ~ Ellen G.W.
After reading the above verse late last night, and then reading these words in the devotional, I knew God was speaking directly to me.
I've found myself reaching for wordly things... Not bad things necessarily, just things that aren't from God, not in His plan for my life. It's so subtle, and so easy to ignore. But the more I reach for things of this world, the harder it is to set my heart on God.
I feel like I'm only taking away from the impact of the two quotations, because they really do sum up the two opposing ambitions. Either our heart is set on things of this world, or set on God.
All I can do is ask God for mercy. Because when it comes down to it, any lack of christian growth in my life is simply due to my heart not being set on God. I'm so grateful that God is showing me this, nudging me, even after so many pointless journeys my heart has taken away from him.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Instead of Studying...
This is what I did this past Sunday instead of studying for my Adult Health 1 class. Since the Canon D50 is just a little over my budget, I bought an old Canon EOS Rebel G with two different lenses for really cheap at a flea market on sunday... and since it isn't a digital, but a film camera, I had to run over to wal mart and buy me some rolls of film. Then Andrea and I jumped on our bikes and started taking pictures; her with Samuels digital camera that he's lending us, and me with my "new" babe. I used up 24 exposures in less than an hour. I then raced over to Wal mart only to find out they don't do 1 hour film developing (which I HAD to have!), so then I went to Walgreens, and dropped off my roll of film there. I sped to work, and as soon as I finished work, I spent the last of my measly paycheck on developing my film. Anyway, I am sooo happy right now. Not because I got some 'out of this world' pictures back, but because I love taking pictures... I love the whole process of manually focusing, etc. I just love everything about it, and I have been waiting so long to get a "real" camera in my hands. I think my dusty little Canon Rebel is as close to a "real" camera as I'm going to get for a good while, but for however short or long I have it, I plan on treasuring it every moment. It's old, it's dirty, and it's probably gonna fall apart soon, but I love it. I spent a good hour walking the whole flea market, looking for any old camera, and at one point found one that I knew didn't fit the bill, but I was so desperate I almost got it, but I kept going... and finally, just as I had given up and had agreed to leave, I happened to notice the camera, with the two lenses, just sitting out on one mans table. I had passed by that booth at least 4 times, and I hadn't seen it. Sooo, anyway, I am soo happy for my camera. I can't wait to develop the black and white film that I've started next .
Remember to go out and do something you love!- Hopefully for you it wont mean slacking on an important class in school:)
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Sabbath Walk
So today I stayed indoors most of the day thanks to the heat. But it finally cooled down around 4, so mami and I went out on the promenade. I was itching to try out my little camera that mom gave me just yesterday, so I took some pictures. These are just some of the amazing flowers out right now. Just as we were getting to the most beautiful of the flowers, it started raining, so that was the end of our picture taking. Oh, and I got to see a dog on the promenade! But of course I didn't ask the owner for a picture.
I'm so glad for Saturdays.
I'm so glad for Saturdays.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
It's been 3 years
Lassie has been gone for 3 years today. I still miss her so much, but this picture helps me a lot on days like this one when I would give just about anything to have her back.
When I get to heaven, one of the things on my list to thank Jesus for is dogs. He's such a genius.
Even though it sucks so bad that I can't have a dog right now, God blesses me with little moments with them every couple days. When we go on walks, or lay in the grass on sabbath afternoons, random dogs will come up to me and let me pet them for a few seconds before they turn back to their owners, and everytime that happens I feel like God just gave me a hug.
For those of you reading this who are blessed with a dog, please, for my sake, count your blessings!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
A Post That Encouraged Me
Here's a post I read a couple days ago that was both inspiring and challenging. It was just what I needed to hear for that day, and I've gone back to read it many times since. I hope it'll encourage even more people, so I'm including the link here:
The Sojourner Blog: Life is...Good?#links#links
The Sojourner Blog: Life is...Good?#links#links
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Questions
I have so many questions. Questions that want to be answered so bad. I want to talk to Him. I want to just sit and talk to God. It's okay that I can't see Him most of the time, but sometimes, like today, every part of me wants to talk to Him, and hear really truly how He feels and what He thinks. So often, I make decisions based on what I think He's wanting me to do. But today I want to know for certain. Long distance relationships are so hard. Yes, Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit, are near and very present. But on my end, it's so often very distant. And I get weary. Weary of the distance. I want to know for certain His will in certain areas. And I want to hear it straight from Him. I want to hear Him.
I feel like some things like wether I should rob or lie are givens, and I don't need to "hear" from God on those to know for sure His will, but other things, simple everyday things, decisions that impact small or big areas of my life, that don't have a clear path that everyone is supposed to follow... that's where I get frustrated.
I guess it's just one of those days where the communication that I have presently with God just isn't cutting it. And I know that I want to do His will, so all I know to do is sit still, and be in awe that He even cares to listen. And I know He cares more than I do in guiding me to the right decisions, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem to others.
I love Him, and I want to love Him more.
I'm so thankful. So thankful God knows our thoughts even before we think them. I'm especially thankful that He answers.
Isaiah 65:24
I feel like some things like wether I should rob or lie are givens, and I don't need to "hear" from God on those to know for sure His will, but other things, simple everyday things, decisions that impact small or big areas of my life, that don't have a clear path that everyone is supposed to follow... that's where I get frustrated.
I guess it's just one of those days where the communication that I have presently with God just isn't cutting it. And I know that I want to do His will, so all I know to do is sit still, and be in awe that He even cares to listen. And I know He cares more than I do in guiding me to the right decisions, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem to others.
I love Him, and I want to love Him more.
I'm so thankful. So thankful God knows our thoughts even before we think them. I'm especially thankful that He answers.
Isaiah 65:24
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Bird who loved
I just saw the most amazing thing. I wish I had a camera around to have gotten a picture of it.
As I was leaving the Southerns student center, I happened to glance to my right and down on the cement, I saw one of the most amazing birds I've ever seen. I've never seen that kind until today.
I figured that it was injured, because I got within a foot of it, and knelt down, and it didn't move. I thought it must've rammed into the glass doors or walls accidentally. I talked to it, and it just tilted it's head and just stared at me, blinking. I couldn't make myself walk away from it, so I just sat there, not sure what to do.
Eventually some college students walked up and started asking me what happened. I told them that I thought it was injured, since it's left foot was bent at a strange angle. What I found interesting was that all the other injured birds I'd seen would move away from me when I approached it, no matter how weak they may have been. But this one didn't move at all. Not even when 8 or 9 people were crowded around it, towering over it.
No one wanted to just leave it there. Some recommended picking it up and taking it to the outdour ed major department, figuring they out of any one would know what to do.
Just then someone gasped. A girl had seen another bird, about 5 feet away underneath a table, nearer the glass wall, dead. It was exactly like the other bird. Someone reached over to grab the live bird, and right at that split second (scaring everyone half to death) our live birdie flew up and away. That's when I realized what was going on.
The bird wasn't hurt. It just didn't want to leave it's mate. That made me so sad. Even God's little birds know more about love than many of us human beings.
That little bird didn't want to keep living it's life without it's life partner. Life just didn't go on without it's mate. And we human beings, we just leave and pick up new partners like we change hairstyles or purses. We give up on friends and loved ones so quickly. There's so little loyalty left. We don't stand by our mate till death, let alone till after death. Seperation for that little bird was a non-negotiable. And for us humans, seperation is always on option. There's always a way out. When the going get's tough, we just bail out. We bail out from marraige, from work, from school, and some of us, we even check out of reality for awhile. I'm not saying there aren't situations where seperation isn't the best thing. I actually believe that way more people should be seperated, even divorced, that aren't presently. I really truly believe that-- But that's for a whole other post. What I am saying is just that it's so sad how we christians, who profess to be converted, break up or divorce from each other just because "we fell out of love", or "we grew apart", or "just because"... The list goes on and on. We Christians. We who should show what "till death" is all about. We who should show what loyalty and commitment is all bout, we have just as high a rate (if not higher) of divorce and abuse as the world does.
Seeing how that birdie didn't want to keep living without it's life companion, made me think of Jesus. If we really loved Jesus, we wouldn't want a single moment of our lives to be lived without him. We wouldn't even think of leaving him. It would be a non-negotiable.
We've lost so much. We don't know the first thing about love as Christians, and I think that's the saddest thing in the world.
As I was leaving the Southerns student center, I happened to glance to my right and down on the cement, I saw one of the most amazing birds I've ever seen. I've never seen that kind until today.
I figured that it was injured, because I got within a foot of it, and knelt down, and it didn't move. I thought it must've rammed into the glass doors or walls accidentally. I talked to it, and it just tilted it's head and just stared at me, blinking. I couldn't make myself walk away from it, so I just sat there, not sure what to do.
Eventually some college students walked up and started asking me what happened. I told them that I thought it was injured, since it's left foot was bent at a strange angle. What I found interesting was that all the other injured birds I'd seen would move away from me when I approached it, no matter how weak they may have been. But this one didn't move at all. Not even when 8 or 9 people were crowded around it, towering over it.
No one wanted to just leave it there. Some recommended picking it up and taking it to the outdour ed major department, figuring they out of any one would know what to do.
Just then someone gasped. A girl had seen another bird, about 5 feet away underneath a table, nearer the glass wall, dead. It was exactly like the other bird. Someone reached over to grab the live bird, and right at that split second (scaring everyone half to death) our live birdie flew up and away. That's when I realized what was going on.
The bird wasn't hurt. It just didn't want to leave it's mate. That made me so sad. Even God's little birds know more about love than many of us human beings.
That little bird didn't want to keep living it's life without it's life partner. Life just didn't go on without it's mate. And we human beings, we just leave and pick up new partners like we change hairstyles or purses. We give up on friends and loved ones so quickly. There's so little loyalty left. We don't stand by our mate till death, let alone till after death. Seperation for that little bird was a non-negotiable. And for us humans, seperation is always on option. There's always a way out. When the going get's tough, we just bail out. We bail out from marraige, from work, from school, and some of us, we even check out of reality for awhile. I'm not saying there aren't situations where seperation isn't the best thing. I actually believe that way more people should be seperated, even divorced, that aren't presently. I really truly believe that-- But that's for a whole other post. What I am saying is just that it's so sad how we christians, who profess to be converted, break up or divorce from each other just because "we fell out of love", or "we grew apart", or "just because"... The list goes on and on. We Christians. We who should show what "till death" is all about. We who should show what loyalty and commitment is all bout, we have just as high a rate (if not higher) of divorce and abuse as the world does.
Seeing how that birdie didn't want to keep living without it's life companion, made me think of Jesus. If we really loved Jesus, we wouldn't want a single moment of our lives to be lived without him. We wouldn't even think of leaving him. It would be a non-negotiable.
We've lost so much. We don't know the first thing about love as Christians, and I think that's the saddest thing in the world.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Yeah! Spring Break!
So I'm really happy right now, cuz spring break is finally here for me. I actually passed my Fundumentals 1 final, and i think I passed my math midterm, and my P.E. class didn't really have a midterm, so I'm quite thrilled, and so thankful for more than a week of FREEDOM!
School is one of the hardest things for me. I would rather be doing just about anything than be in school. But hey, God wanted me here this semester, so there must be a reason. Probably the biggest reason is for my character development.
But here's a picture of Sam and I from when he surprised us a couple weeks ago. He got to spend a short weekend with us, and I'm looking forward to his next visit. I'm just hoping that it wont be a surprise next time:)
So I have some fantastic news I've been meaning to share with the whole world, but I've kept forgetting. Here it is:
I can finally donate blood!!! Really truly! Since 2003 I have wanted to donate blood, but each time I've tried there's been a new reason for me not being able to.
First it was because I had been in certain countries in Europe less than 1o years before... Then it was because I had gotten malaria in Africa. I was told by the nurses there that in America, I would never be to give blood again... And I was crushed! So wrong. But anyway, while I was in Africa, I thought I'd come up with a fool-proof plan to give away some blood. See, at the hospital I was at, they are often looking for blood donors. Sometimes there are patients that need blood right away, and either their family and friends don't match their blood type, or simply don't want to share. So one day I had a chance to offer my services, certain that they would whisk me away to the lab to get tested. Pooh. Not a chance. They told me because I was a foreigner, and american, I couldn't give. They didn't want my blood on their hands in case I got sick or something dreadful happened. I promised that I wouldn't sue them. But it didn't work. Snap!
I really wanted to give blood. So for the past year and a half, every time southern has had a blood drive, I would try to cover my ears, and avoid walking by the big bus filled with willing donors.
But each time I heard and saw them, the pull to try one last time kept getting stronger. Finally, after fighting the urge for way too long, I talked my head into walking up to the registration table and casually ask about the possibilities of giving blood. I had to do it, at least to quiet myself for a few months. Of course, the ladies at the desk looked at me funny when I asked about someone who's had malaria being able to give blood or not, and they called their supervisor on the phone.
As the lady talked, deep down inside, i knew I would somehow be able to donate. I just had to!
I couldn't want to donate so bad without being able to.
So yeah, after dragging this story on forever, the end of the story is that I will be able to give blood after the third year anniversary of me being malaria free.
I was so happy to find out that my previous informants were WRONG.
I can give blood! I can't wait till this november!
Everyone, have a good rest of the week!
School is one of the hardest things for me. I would rather be doing just about anything than be in school. But hey, God wanted me here this semester, so there must be a reason. Probably the biggest reason is for my character development.
But here's a picture of Sam and I from when he surprised us a couple weeks ago. He got to spend a short weekend with us, and I'm looking forward to his next visit. I'm just hoping that it wont be a surprise next time:)
So I have some fantastic news I've been meaning to share with the whole world, but I've kept forgetting. Here it is:
I can finally donate blood!!! Really truly! Since 2003 I have wanted to donate blood, but each time I've tried there's been a new reason for me not being able to.
First it was because I had been in certain countries in Europe less than 1o years before... Then it was because I had gotten malaria in Africa. I was told by the nurses there that in America, I would never be to give blood again... And I was crushed! So wrong. But anyway, while I was in Africa, I thought I'd come up with a fool-proof plan to give away some blood. See, at the hospital I was at, they are often looking for blood donors. Sometimes there are patients that need blood right away, and either their family and friends don't match their blood type, or simply don't want to share. So one day I had a chance to offer my services, certain that they would whisk me away to the lab to get tested. Pooh. Not a chance. They told me because I was a foreigner, and american, I couldn't give. They didn't want my blood on their hands in case I got sick or something dreadful happened. I promised that I wouldn't sue them. But it didn't work. Snap!
I really wanted to give blood. So for the past year and a half, every time southern has had a blood drive, I would try to cover my ears, and avoid walking by the big bus filled with willing donors.
But each time I heard and saw them, the pull to try one last time kept getting stronger. Finally, after fighting the urge for way too long, I talked my head into walking up to the registration table and casually ask about the possibilities of giving blood. I had to do it, at least to quiet myself for a few months. Of course, the ladies at the desk looked at me funny when I asked about someone who's had malaria being able to give blood or not, and they called their supervisor on the phone.
As the lady talked, deep down inside, i knew I would somehow be able to donate. I just had to!
I couldn't want to donate so bad without being able to.
So yeah, after dragging this story on forever, the end of the story is that I will be able to give blood after the third year anniversary of me being malaria free.
I was so happy to find out that my previous informants were WRONG.
I can give blood! I can't wait till this november!
Everyone, have a good rest of the week!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
"Big" Mountains
I'm so nervous right now...
In less than 12 hours I'll be dressed up in my student nursing outfit, headed out to my first clinical... How can it be that after over a month of preparation, I feel so unready!
And it's not just a little part of the clinical that I'm anxious about-- it's the whole thing! Is everyone as apprehensive as I am on their first clinical? I feel presumptuous thinking that everything will go well tomorrow, when I have no idea how to do anything... But maybe it's just my lack of faith in believing that even though I can't mentally go through every single thing that I'm supposed to, that it wont come as second nature to me at the right time...
If I ever finish this semester without accidentally hurting someone, I will be sooo relieved. What's most likely going to happen is tomorrow at this time I will be trying to understand why on earth I was so afraid about the whole thing. But I don't want to forget how incapable I feel tonight, so when I face other "mountains" that seem inserpassable, I'll have the courage and faith to believe that God is in charge, and wont ever give me more than I can bear.
It's so important for us not to forget how God has led us in the past. If we simply look back at how many times he's saved our lives both physically and spiritually, we'll get the extra boost of faith, trust, and courage. Nursing clinicals? No problem. I know God will enlighten me every step of the way. Whatever happens with me tomorrow, He'll be right there with me.
Isaiah 40:31
In less than 12 hours I'll be dressed up in my student nursing outfit, headed out to my first clinical... How can it be that after over a month of preparation, I feel so unready!
And it's not just a little part of the clinical that I'm anxious about-- it's the whole thing! Is everyone as apprehensive as I am on their first clinical? I feel presumptuous thinking that everything will go well tomorrow, when I have no idea how to do anything... But maybe it's just my lack of faith in believing that even though I can't mentally go through every single thing that I'm supposed to, that it wont come as second nature to me at the right time...
If I ever finish this semester without accidentally hurting someone, I will be sooo relieved. What's most likely going to happen is tomorrow at this time I will be trying to understand why on earth I was so afraid about the whole thing. But I don't want to forget how incapable I feel tonight, so when I face other "mountains" that seem inserpassable, I'll have the courage and faith to believe that God is in charge, and wont ever give me more than I can bear.
It's so important for us not to forget how God has led us in the past. If we simply look back at how many times he's saved our lives both physically and spiritually, we'll get the extra boost of faith, trust, and courage. Nursing clinicals? No problem. I know God will enlighten me every step of the way. Whatever happens with me tomorrow, He'll be right there with me.
Isaiah 40:31
Friday, January 9, 2009
When Will it Click?
There's been a lot on my mind recently. A number of things I could've blogged on too. But sometimes, my brain is so full, that I can't blog. It's probably better that way.
But tonight I can't put off writing down somewhere other than my journal what's on my heart, what's mulling around in my head.
A good verse that helps start things up, I think, is Matthew 6:19-21. I actually came across this verse today on biblegateway.com, where I go throughout the day when I'm busy with University stuff, and want to keep my mind a bit more focused.
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
The very last verse is the one that got me.
Recently, I've found myself reaching for that comfortable life, you know, the one most Christians are aiming for. The one where all that matters as far as Christianity goes is that we attend Church once or twice a week, pay our tithe, etc. And the rest of the time, oh, that's dedicated to our daily lives, you know. And what's so different about the "daily lives" part of our week? Ahh, that's the part where we light up and smile right? That's the time when we open our mouths after having sat quietly and oh so spiritually at Church, paying our dues. Now all of a sudden, as soon as the Pastor finishes the Benediction, we all of a sudden have a whole lot to say. We talk animatedly about the latest TV show, and how unexpected the turn of events were in the latest episode. "Wasn't that girls outfit a disaster on the pew to our left, and did you see the boy with...?" We stop in the middle of our sentence and meekly shake hands with the pastor. Oh why didn't we sit in the balcony today? We could've been outa here hours ago! Within seconds of Church time, our minds are wiped of anything remotely spiritual.
So I said earlier this is the life I've been reaching for recently... but I must clarify what I meant. It's not that I want to be like that. Far from it. I'm fed up with it. Sick of it. Nope. I don't want to be like that at all. But I was raised with this unconscious motto: Don't make waves.
Deep in my heart, I want to be free of all that smoggy, earth-filled, self-seeking and world-pleasing Christianity that I see on my right side and on my left. And that is what I'm striving for. But when one comes up against the code of "don't make waves", suddenly not conforming and allowing the smog to engulf you is so much harder.
That is why part of me recently has been wanting to make a truce ("The spirit is willing, but the body is weak" comes to mind right now). With work, full-time school and multiple flu's trying to take my immune system down, there's not much energy left to spend in active battle spiritually speaking. Satan makes sure to make the truce as appealing as possible.
But this week, just as I was beginning to allow some numbness into my heart, God gave me a push. A well needed jolt.
On Thursday morning, at 11 am I got to hear Rachel Joy Scott's sister (Dana Scott Bollwerck) talk. I fought tears the whole way through the presentation. I went again to the presentation at 7pm, and that time I didn't fight the tears.
To try and share what Dana shared would take too long. But one of the many things that moved me was the spirit of Jesus that Dana had. I can't explain it. I guess what made it even more outstanding was because she was surrounded by 2,000 plus young people, at a christian University, who profess to be Christians looking forward to Christ's soon return. And the majority aren't. I know that we all have inestimable worth in Christ's eyes, etc. I know that everyone of those people have it in them to be remarkable life changers like Dana and Rachel, but what's been heavy on my heart is this... When will they realize it?! When will they at least stop, and listen, and take action? How many tragic stories like that of Rachels' will we have to listen to before it clicks in our heads? How many more presentations will we have to hear before we get it? Even as I'm writing, I'm realizing that a lot of my frustration and sadness right now is stemming from my experience at my University, so maybe older people wont be able to relate so much to what I'm sharing... But just the same, I have to share.
It made me so sad watching young people get up and move on to what was for lunch right after the 11 am presentation. I wanted to weep. Here, we had just heard the same challenge about starting a chain reaction, about treasuring and appreciating even those who might look or dress differently than us. About getting rid of prejudice and doing little acts of kindness. We had just seen flash across the screen clips of the Columbine high school the day of the shootings, and now we're talking and laughing 10 seconds later about Pasta day at the Caf?
I could go on and on about how saddened I was by my fellow peers. My christian family.
But I wont. I shouldn't. Because I know the truth in my heart. I know that this is exactly what Jesus warned us about. He knew that His people would be few and far between. He knew the dangers of the cares of this life, and how easily they can consume and take control of our lives.
I can better understand tonight why Jesus spent so many nights in prayer. He had to. He was surrounded by all sorts of garbage, unfortunately, mostly from his own peers and spiritual leaders.
I feel like shaking my friends. I feel like crying out to them and telling them that they need to just STOP. Stop and listen. Listen to the story of a girl who lived for God, and let the tragedy of her death sink in, and let it move you! Maybe, just maybe it'll move you to some sort of action. But at least let it sink in. It's good for you to cry about it. This is reality. This is Christianity. Life isn't always (if ever) about the latest movies or music.
Just as I'm ready to shake my fellow classmates, I suddenly realize that I'm the one that's being shaken--by God. And it's clicked.
It's me. My little theory of "don't make waves". God's finally gotten through in a much bigger way than before. He's concerned about me. He sees the danger of my little motto, and how it'll keep me from fully being smog free. It's either all, or nothing. He doesn't want me to live with regret, which is what my safe little motto has brought to me with unending faithfulness.
I feel like jumping for joy. I feel like how I think I'll feel when I finally understand Algebra.
Actually I feel even better. He wants me to be willing to make waves if necessary. He wants me not to worry about the outcome of following His still small voice.
O man, has this ever been a long blog. I guess when I write what's on my heart, I write.But all this rambling gave me the clarity I hadn't been able to get for a couple days.
I'm not even sure how the Matt. 6 verses tied in to everything right now, but they got my wheels turning so I guess I'll leave them for now and go back to them at a later time. And how fitting, I'm listening to Matthew West sing "The Motions". Please listen to it, whoever happens to read this post.
But tonight I can't put off writing down somewhere other than my journal what's on my heart, what's mulling around in my head.
A good verse that helps start things up, I think, is Matthew 6:19-21. I actually came across this verse today on biblegateway.com, where I go throughout the day when I'm busy with University stuff, and want to keep my mind a bit more focused.
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
The very last verse is the one that got me.
Recently, I've found myself reaching for that comfortable life, you know, the one most Christians are aiming for. The one where all that matters as far as Christianity goes is that we attend Church once or twice a week, pay our tithe, etc. And the rest of the time, oh, that's dedicated to our daily lives, you know. And what's so different about the "daily lives" part of our week? Ahh, that's the part where we light up and smile right? That's the time when we open our mouths after having sat quietly and oh so spiritually at Church, paying our dues. Now all of a sudden, as soon as the Pastor finishes the Benediction, we all of a sudden have a whole lot to say. We talk animatedly about the latest TV show, and how unexpected the turn of events were in the latest episode. "Wasn't that girls outfit a disaster on the pew to our left, and did you see the boy with...?" We stop in the middle of our sentence and meekly shake hands with the pastor. Oh why didn't we sit in the balcony today? We could've been outa here hours ago! Within seconds of Church time, our minds are wiped of anything remotely spiritual.
So I said earlier this is the life I've been reaching for recently... but I must clarify what I meant. It's not that I want to be like that. Far from it. I'm fed up with it. Sick of it. Nope. I don't want to be like that at all. But I was raised with this unconscious motto: Don't make waves.
Deep in my heart, I want to be free of all that smoggy, earth-filled, self-seeking and world-pleasing Christianity that I see on my right side and on my left. And that is what I'm striving for. But when one comes up against the code of "don't make waves", suddenly not conforming and allowing the smog to engulf you is so much harder.
That is why part of me recently has been wanting to make a truce ("The spirit is willing, but the body is weak" comes to mind right now). With work, full-time school and multiple flu's trying to take my immune system down, there's not much energy left to spend in active battle spiritually speaking. Satan makes sure to make the truce as appealing as possible.
But this week, just as I was beginning to allow some numbness into my heart, God gave me a push. A well needed jolt.
On Thursday morning, at 11 am I got to hear Rachel Joy Scott's sister (Dana Scott Bollwerck) talk. I fought tears the whole way through the presentation. I went again to the presentation at 7pm, and that time I didn't fight the tears.
To try and share what Dana shared would take too long. But one of the many things that moved me was the spirit of Jesus that Dana had. I can't explain it. I guess what made it even more outstanding was because she was surrounded by 2,000 plus young people, at a christian University, who profess to be Christians looking forward to Christ's soon return. And the majority aren't. I know that we all have inestimable worth in Christ's eyes, etc. I know that everyone of those people have it in them to be remarkable life changers like Dana and Rachel, but what's been heavy on my heart is this... When will they realize it?! When will they at least stop, and listen, and take action? How many tragic stories like that of Rachels' will we have to listen to before it clicks in our heads? How many more presentations will we have to hear before we get it? Even as I'm writing, I'm realizing that a lot of my frustration and sadness right now is stemming from my experience at my University, so maybe older people wont be able to relate so much to what I'm sharing... But just the same, I have to share.
It made me so sad watching young people get up and move on to what was for lunch right after the 11 am presentation. I wanted to weep. Here, we had just heard the same challenge about starting a chain reaction, about treasuring and appreciating even those who might look or dress differently than us. About getting rid of prejudice and doing little acts of kindness. We had just seen flash across the screen clips of the Columbine high school the day of the shootings, and now we're talking and laughing 10 seconds later about Pasta day at the Caf?
I could go on and on about how saddened I was by my fellow peers. My christian family.
But I wont. I shouldn't. Because I know the truth in my heart. I know that this is exactly what Jesus warned us about. He knew that His people would be few and far between. He knew the dangers of the cares of this life, and how easily they can consume and take control of our lives.
I can better understand tonight why Jesus spent so many nights in prayer. He had to. He was surrounded by all sorts of garbage, unfortunately, mostly from his own peers and spiritual leaders.
I feel like shaking my friends. I feel like crying out to them and telling them that they need to just STOP. Stop and listen. Listen to the story of a girl who lived for God, and let the tragedy of her death sink in, and let it move you! Maybe, just maybe it'll move you to some sort of action. But at least let it sink in. It's good for you to cry about it. This is reality. This is Christianity. Life isn't always (if ever) about the latest movies or music.
Just as I'm ready to shake my fellow classmates, I suddenly realize that I'm the one that's being shaken--by God. And it's clicked.
It's me. My little theory of "don't make waves". God's finally gotten through in a much bigger way than before. He's concerned about me. He sees the danger of my little motto, and how it'll keep me from fully being smog free. It's either all, or nothing. He doesn't want me to live with regret, which is what my safe little motto has brought to me with unending faithfulness.
I feel like jumping for joy. I feel like how I think I'll feel when I finally understand Algebra.
Actually I feel even better. He wants me to be willing to make waves if necessary. He wants me not to worry about the outcome of following His still small voice.
O man, has this ever been a long blog. I guess when I write what's on my heart, I write.But all this rambling gave me the clarity I hadn't been able to get for a couple days.
I'm not even sure how the Matt. 6 verses tied in to everything right now, but they got my wheels turning so I guess I'll leave them for now and go back to them at a later time. And how fitting, I'm listening to Matthew West sing "The Motions". Please listen to it, whoever happens to read this post.
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