New Journey

What do you do when you have an epiphany? Like where do you go from there?
How is it that from one minute to the next your whole perspective and focus on something can change?
I never want to forget this moment in time. I know that from now on my life is not going to be the same. In what specific ways I'm not exactly sure yet, but I'm okay with that for now, because that is not the point.

Right now I'm just really grateful, really relieved actually. There are few things as beautiful as the feeling of when something that is very dear to you finally makes sense. Really makes sense. In case you're wondering; this revelation doesn't make my life any easier or less complicated. Quite the opposite actually. I believe that with my new insight and focus I have signed up for a path that is much more difficult and treacherous than the one I was on before. And the most difficult aspect of it is the uncertainty that comes with it. Uncertainty is one of my worst enemies. Security has always been really important to me, so letting go of it is extremely difficult for me, but I've already taken the first step, and I'm determined not to look back, except to remember how God has led me.

Something that has made taking this step on my new journey easier is that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is in this. I could not accept any more uncertainty in my life unless it were so.
No fear of uncertainty or hardship can equal the peace that comes from following what you know to be right and true.
I know I have been somewhat vague about what exactly my epiphany was. And although I wont share what that was, like I mentioned earlier, God has led, and I'm simply following where I know I must go in order to be a little closer to eternity, to unity and completeness, wholeness.

My heart

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world." 1 John 2:15-16
A statement I came across in my devotional reading today really hit home.
"Sighing over your ignorance of divine things will never make you wise unto salvation. There are tens of thousand sluggish tears and sighs toward heaven that will never win one smile of approval from Jesus. Do not think that a Chrisitan experience will come to you of itself. When you make up your mind to do something on which your heart is set, you do not give up for difficulties, but try again and again." ~ Ellen G.W.
After reading the above verse late last night, and then reading these words in the devotional, I knew God was speaking directly to me.
I've found myself reaching for wordly things... Not bad things necessarily, just things that aren't from God, not in His plan for my life. It's so subtle, and so easy to ignore. But the more I reach for things of this world, the harder it is to set my heart on God.
I feel like I'm only taking away from the impact of the two quotations, because they really do sum up the two opposing ambitions. Either our heart is set on things of this world, or set on God.
All I can do is ask God for mercy. Because when it comes down to it, any lack of christian growth in my life is simply due to my heart not being set on God. I'm so grateful that God is showing me this, nudging me, even after so many pointless journeys my heart has taken away from him.

Instead of Studying...

This is what I did this past Sunday instead of studying for my Adult Health 1 class. Since the Canon D50 is just a little over my budget, I bought an old Canon EOS Rebel G with two different lenses for really cheap at a flea market on sunday... and since it isn't a digital, but a film camera, I had to run over to wal mart and buy me some rolls of film. Then Andrea and I jumped on our bikes and started taking pictures; her with Samuels digital camera that he's lending us, and me with my "new" babe. I used up 24 exposures in less than an hour. I then raced over to Wal mart only to find out they don't do 1 hour film developing (which I HAD to have!), so then I went to Walgreens, and dropped off my roll of film there. I sped to work, and as soon as I finished work, I spent the last of my measly paycheck on developing my film. Anyway, I am sooo happy right now. Not because I got some 'out of this world' pictures back, but because I love taking pictures... I love the whole process of manually focusing, etc. I just love everything about it, and I have been waiting so long to get a "real" camera in my hands. I think my dusty little Canon Rebel is as close to a "real" camera as I'm going to get for a good while, but for however short or long I have it, I plan on treasuring it every moment. It's old, it's dirty, and it's probably gonna fall apart soon, but I love it. I spent a good hour walking the whole flea market, looking for any old camera, and at one point found one that I knew didn't fit the bill, but I was so desperate I almost got it, but I kept going... and finally, just as I had given up and had agreed to leave, I happened to notice the camera, with the two lenses, just sitting out on one mans table. I had passed by that booth at least 4 times, and I hadn't seen it. Sooo, anyway, I am soo happy for my camera. I can't wait to develop the black and white film that I've started next .

Remember to go out and do something you love!- Hopefully for you it wont mean slacking on an important class in school:)

Sabbath Walk

So today I stayed indoors most of the day thanks to the heat. But it finally cooled down around 4, so mami and I went out on the promenade. I was itching to try out my little camera that mom gave me just yesterday, so I took some pictures. These are just some of the amazing flowers out right now. Just as we were getting to the most beautiful of the flowers, it started raining, so that was the end of our picture taking. Oh, and I got to see a dog on the promenade! But of course I didn't ask the owner for a picture.
I'm so glad for Saturdays.

It's been 3 years

Lassie has been gone for 3 years today. I still miss her so much, but this picture helps me a lot on days like this one when I would give just about anything to have her back.
When I get to heaven, one of the things on my list to thank Jesus for is dogs. He's such a genius.
Even though it sucks so bad that I can't have a dog right now, God blesses me with little moments with them every couple days. When we go on walks, or lay in the grass on sabbath afternoons, random dogs will come up to me and let me pet them for a few seconds before they turn back to their owners, and everytime that happens I feel like God just gave me a hug.
For those of you reading this who are blessed with a dog, please, for my sake, count your blessings!

A Post That Encouraged Me

Here's a post I read a couple days ago that was both inspiring and challenging. It was just what I needed to hear for that day, and I've gone back to read it many times since. I hope it'll encourage even more people, so I'm including the link here:
The Sojourner Blog: Life is...Good?#links#links

Questions

I have so many questions. Questions that want to be answered so bad. I want to talk to Him. I want to just sit and talk to God. It's okay that I can't see Him most of the time, but sometimes, like today, every part of me wants to talk to Him, and hear really truly how He feels and what He thinks. So often, I make decisions based on what I think He's wanting me to do. But today I want to know for certain. Long distance relationships are so hard. Yes, Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit, are near and very present. But on my end, it's so often very distant. And I get weary. Weary of the distance. I want to know for certain His will in certain areas. And I want to hear it straight from Him. I want to hear Him.

I feel like some things like wether I should rob or lie are givens, and I don't need to "hear" from God on those to know for sure His will, but other things, simple everyday things, decisions that impact small or big areas of my life, that don't have a clear path that everyone is supposed to follow... that's where I get frustrated.

I guess it's just one of those days where the communication that I have presently with God just isn't cutting it. And I know that I want to do His will, so all I know to do is sit still, and be in awe that He even cares to listen. And I know He cares more than I do in guiding me to the right decisions, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem to others.
I love Him, and I want to love Him more.
I'm so thankful. So thankful God knows our thoughts even before we think them. I'm especially thankful that He answers.
Isaiah 65:24