"To him who is content to receive without deserving, who feels that he can never recompense such love, who lays all doubt and unbelief aside, and comes as a little child to the feet of Jesus, all the treasures of eternal love are a free, everlasting gift." -8MR 186.1
This quote was on the EGW estate website early last week, and since I first read it, I've carried it with me in my binder, I've written it on my dry-erase board on the fridge, I've shown it to my family, and still, after several days, I can't seem to reach to the bottom of these beautiful words. Each time I stop and read them, it feels like I am reading it all for the first time.
I am daily being amazed by God, by how He can take a once distrustful and unbelieving child, and open them up to being "content to receive without deserving". This has been so hard for me. Earning everything I get, it's such an ingrained thing in me, God has had to really be persistent and patient. It's still not easy for me. But I am learning, and what a beautiful thing it has been to allow Him to give, and give, and give, and not try to "earn" His favor, His giving.
It's so new, being vulnerable and open to a generous God who gives, never expecting anything in return. To accept that I can't ever be enough, but that God is willing and eager to give and keep giving simply because He loves me! Even now, just writing it out, it overwhelms me; that God can love me like that, that He can care enough to want to bless me, and only expect me to be content and grateful for all that He gives of Himself. And to think that He loves everyone like that!
What a mystery.
I've realized that when I gratefully receive Christ's gifts of grace, forgiveness, without trying to earn them, I am able to much more freely give of myself to others, so much more forgiving, and so much less judgemental. Very little can rub you the wrong way, can irritate you, when you have uppermost in your mind the generousness of a God who loves one as undeserving as you.
I have wanted to share this for awhile, but just couldn't really seem to put any of it into words--but after reading this quote, I couldn't wait any longer. I still couldn't really find the words, but this quote did it for me. It sums up what God has taught me over the last year in just one short, beautiful sentence.
May Jesus continue to teach me what it means to sit at His feet as a little child, and may I let Him teach me.