"The one thing essential for us in order that we may receive and impart the forgiving love of God is to know and believe the love that He has to us." MB 115.I got the little quote from this dear site today.
This past week, I have learned about forgiveness in a much deeper way than before... I wronged someone, and the uncertainty of whether or not I was forgiven by them hung over me for over a week. Not knowing if you're forgiven by someone is really tough.
Harder than I ever remembered it before... It might've been because I was truly sorry for what I did, and really wanted that forgiveness. It might've been because I had stuck my pride on the chopping block by apologizing that same day.
In anycase, I realized in a very painful way how hopeless we are as humans are without God's forgiveness... I realized that God doesn't guarantee that we'll be forgiven by the humans in our lives, but that it is still our duty to seek and ask for that forgiveness--to say we're sorry. I also realized how important it is to not stumble and fall in the first place... because some wrongs can never fully be righted. Some consequences stick around, no matter how sorry we may be.
God reminded me of how easily it is to sin when we stop putting others before ourselves. If I had not been seeking my own good, I would never have wronged the other person. Being selfish bears weighty consequences, and some of them we wont fully realize until all things are made known.
I was also reminded of the importance of not carrying guilt with me, once I have done my part to make things right. And to this day, that has been the hardest lessen to grasp. I am still working on that one.
Guilt is one of those things that has been with me for as long as I can remember.
And half the time, I am beginning to realize, it shouldn't have been with me.
It is hard letting go of something you've spent a lot of time with. It takes time to adjust. To accept when you don't feel worthy of accepting.
So this week, I have been taught some very important lessons. Lessons of forgiveness. Lessons of forgiving, lessons of letting go of guilt, lessons of doing things right the first time around,and most of all, lessons of learning to let God's forgiveness be more than enough.
I wonder what God thinks of my tendency to fail Him just at the moment when He needs His glory revealed through me the most.. I marvel at His patience. At His ability to make things right, even after I have made everything wrong. The weekend after I wronged the individual, I went to Church with my mom,and believe it or not, the sermon was on forgiveness. It was then that I began to realize how big this whole forgiveness thing is. It was probably one of the best sermons I have ever heard. I am going to try to get a copy of it.
Anyhow, the Holy Spirit definitely spoke to me, and for that I forever grateful.
This past week, I have never felt as forgiven, and at the same time, I really felt the magnitude of the consequences that my choices carry. It is a scary thing, to stand guilty, with no excuse.
But it is a beautiful thing, to remember that our High Priest has made a way.
"And he shewed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right hand to resist him.
And the LORD said unto Satan, The LORD rebuke thee, O Satan; even the LORD that hath chosen Jerusalem rebuke thee: is not this a brand plucked out of the fire?
Now Joshua was clothed with filthy garments, and stood before the angel.
And he answered and spake unto those that stood before him, saying, Take away the filthy garments from him. And unto him he said, Behold, I have caused thine iniquity to pass from thee, and I will clothe thee with change of raiment.
And I said, Let them set a fair mitre upon his head. So they set a fair mitre upon his head, and clothed him with garments. And the angel of the LORD stood by.
And the angel of the LORD protested unto Joshua, saying, Thus saith the LORD of hosts; If thou wilt walk in my ways, and if thou wilt keep my charge, then thou shalt also judge my house, and shalt also keep my courts, and I will give thee places to walk among these that stand by."